A huge cornerstone of any relationship is communication, and there are many ways to become better communicators. One way is by understanding our thought processes and behaviour, including how the language we use influences the way we think and the results we get, and Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) can teach us how.
What is NLP?
Developed in the 1970s, NLP is an approach that uses various techniques to help individuals understand how our thoughts and emotions affect the way we behave. And NLP can be divided into 3 main components:
How does NLP work?
Our responses to things that happen to or around us are either instinctive or habitual.
➢ Instincts cannot be altered as they are hardwired into our minds. An example is the fight-or-flight response.
➢ On the other hand, just as habits can be changed, so too can our habitual responses.
But the challenge is in having the ability to differentiate which is which. This is where NLP puts us to work. NLP teaches us how to create effective communication with ourselves so that we can then increase our self-awareness, and begin the processes of
Studying our own operating system (our mind),
Questioning what we have always thought to be ‘instinctive’ reactions,
Recognising and deconstructing our unconscious biases/limitations of how we perceive things, and
Ultimately be able to gain more control over what we have always thought to be our ‘instinctive’ reactions.
What NLP can do for you?
Since NLP helps us understand how our thought processes are affected by our emotions and the way we pick up verbal and non-verbal cues, we can improve our daily life, for instance:
The ability to become whoever we choose to be
Just as how a child learns by modelling after (copying) the parent, we can also do the same to improve ourselves: 1) Focusing on a skill we want to learn from someone 2) Understand how he/she did it 3) Simulate the emotions, experiences, beliefs, values and behaviour to replicate it so we can be like the person we are trying to model after.
Case Study 1:
Step 1: I want to learn how to do stand-up comedy like Gurmit Singh.
Step 2: I study videos of his stand-up comedy numerous times.
Step 3: I try to replicate his energy level, his body language, his facial micro-expressions, his tonality, his speed of talking, his timing for pauses, etc.
Every Cloud Has A Silver Lining
There is a NLP technique called reframing. By looking at the situation that we are in with a different point of view, we are able to change how we feel and how we react.
Case Study 2:
We tend to feel frustrated when we get stuck in traffic jams. But if your partner is also in the car with you, it’s an opportunity for you to catch up on each other’s day and chit chat.
Positive Self-Talk
Through NLP, we learn to identify thinking patterns, belief systems and behaviours that are self-limiting/self-defeating, or even destructive towards ourselves and others. We gain better control of the way we think, feel and behave. We are also better able to resist negative thoughts such as ‘I can’t do it' and ‘I’m not good enough'. Speaking to ourselves more positively will help us to build better self-esteem and self-worth.
Words have power, and only when we get better at communicating with ourselves, can we become better in our communications with others. We become what we think about.
~Earl Nightingale
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